


a colorless sky over a sea of nothingness

by rynoa29



Series: the pink spider collection [5]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Gen, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27358450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rynoa29/pseuds/rynoa29
Summary: As Ryuuji stares up the retreating helicopter, as he stares into the empty smile that darkens Renzou’s face, regret curls in his stomach like poison.
Relationships: Shima Renzou & Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Series: the pink spider collection [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998100
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	a colorless sky over a sea of nothingness

When you spend your entire life enduring demands to be anything other than yourself, it’s only natural for you to internalize that. You slowly start to kill every aspect that defines you, shoving it down or cutting it away. You pick out the parts that people find acceptable and piece them together into a mask that feels strange to wear, yet much more comfortable to bear. 

Somewhere within the growing numbness, there is acceptance. Your complaints don’t matter, and you almost don’t want to voice them anymore, knowing they will go unheard. But you can hardly stand being a wallflower. Even now, there is still a part of you that you can’t manage to smother—beyond the apathy that’s taken over your life, there is a tiny voice present, crying for help. You want to be seen at least, somehow, in some way.

Words don’t seem to be the answer though. 

The crisp, wrinkle-free uniform of the Illuminati covers every inch of your skin but it’s hardly restrictive. It’s like a breath of fresh air. The face you wear now feels a little more your own. Here, you are Renzou-the-traitor, not Renzou-can’t-you-be-more-like-Takezou. The bright smile that rises on your lips is almost genuine. 

—

As Ryuuji stares up the retreating helicopter, as he stares into the empty smile that darkens Renzou’s face, regret curls in his stomach like poison. 

_Is it my fault?_ he wonders. 

Later, in another place, another time, when he manages to voice the question out loud, Renzou’s smile widens, and he says: 

“I’m doing this for my own sake.”

He doesn’t say no.


End file.
